Dearest,
I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I care about you deeply and wish you well always. I want you to succeed and be the greatest person you were born to be. I want you to be cherished and loved. I want you to be taken care of and appreciated. I want you to be respected and adored.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person for you. I am sorry that we can’t build a life together the way we dreamed of and spoke about during many long nights awake. I am sorry that when I am with you, I become a previous version of myself that I can no longer face in the mirror. I am so sorry that we cannot get married. You have no idea how much I wished it were otherwise. Had things not become what they have, maybe we could’ve, but we can’t live in the hypothetical.
I cannot marry you knowing that when I am with you I turn into my worst self.
It has nothing to do with you. Being with you reminds me of a past that I choose to erase, not because I cannot face it, but because my future is what matters now. When I am with you, I focus on the past and I become a victim, a scared child, an untrusting woman, and I panic.
There is no blame here. Well maybe a little on me… I tolerated bad behavior. I accepted anything you threw at me. I let you walk all over me and hurt me.
I may have even asked for it. That’s not the point… is it?
At the end of the day, I will always love you. I harbor no hard feelings. No anger. No blame. I wish you well and I will pray for you always. May you find yourself, your partner, and your happiness.
I love you.
Just because we love a person with all our might, doesn’t mean we can live with them. Just because we imagined a world together, doesn’t make it real. Just because we talk until the sun rises, doesn’t mean I will ever see my last sunrise in your arms. And just because I hope and dream of being with you, doesn’t make it right.
Instead of fighting and wishing for something to work, surrender to love, to yourself, and to your intuition to tell you what is right and what is wrong.
Remember in life things happen that aren’t meant for you, that doesn’t mean we have to hate someone, resent them, build up anger and a story in our heads of how evil and awful they are.
I love every partner I have ever had. Each one taught me so much about life, love, and helped me become the woman I am today. Love doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Love is beautiful. It transforms life. It makes things brighter. It should be celebrated and honored, not thought of as a betrayal and a waste of time.
Trust yourself. You know what you want. Believe that you will get it. Believe that you matter, you are worthy.
You Matter. Believe it. Breathe it. Live it.
All my love, Nathalie
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